The kids had dinner with their dad tonight and I sat outside in the calmness reading a book on my Kindle. As I sat there, I looked up and a Robin had landed right in front of me and was slowly walking through the grass. I started to talk to it as if it was my grandmother who I know is a bird somewhere. If you know me, you know that I have a thing for birds. But that's another story for another time.
A quick update on the title of this post. My sister and I always laughed at the mug that Grandma had in her cabinets. It said Grandma on it twice, wrapped around the cup. But because of the way that the spacing of the word laid out, it looked like Grand Grand Ma Ma. Alyssa and I always joked about it. We still chuckle when we talk about that mug.
Anyway, I started talking to this bird as if she was Grandma. If Grandma was still around, she would be near 100 years old. I believe 99 if my math is correct. Here's my letter to her.
Dear Grandma,
I saw you today. I was shocked and surprised you showed up when you did. You always know when a visit is needed. I'm sure that you've been watching my life progress over the past 10 years. I've had some big changes happen. My divorce is not yet finalized, but I know that it was the best decision for me and R and D. Things have been challenging, but a different type of challenge. I only depend on myself anymore, which is not much different than what I did for the past 10 years, anyway. Money is tight, but again, only have me to blame for anything that I'm struggling with. However, I haven't missed any bills in 21 months. Everything has been paid on time. I've asked Mom and Dad for help when I need it, but it's usually not for anything big. The kids are so much happier, although I can see how stressful it is to go back and forth between homes and split their time with us. I'm lonely. Lonelier than I have been; more than I realized was possible. I try to keep myself occupied. I finished my Master's degree! (Go me!) I have an amazing job and work for great folks. My co-workers have turned into family. I have a few close girlfriends that I call my sisters.
R is the sweetest 9-year-old girl you'd ever meet. She is sassy and sweet and kind and respectful and helpful. She is a leader in so many ways. And she is the best big sister to D. Although they do bicker and argue about dumb shit, she loves him more than anything. I know the transition to being big sister from only child was a struggle for her. She still will make comments about missing when it was just me and her. You would love her, Grandma.
I always joke that D is the mayor, but he truly has the most amazing personality a three year old could have. He can talk to you about anything under the sun, but especially anything with wheels and a motor. He can name every construction vehicle there is and collects Hot Wheels cars like it's his job. (I never realized how many cars little boys could have.) D likes to sing and be outside, and snuggle me at the end of the day. He's famous for telling me that I'm his best friend and he always chooses Grandpop to sit with if we go to dinner with Mom and Dad. Watching Dad race is his most favorite thing to do, mostly to ride on the golf cart and scooter, but also to be with Dad. He is shy at first when he meets someone new, but as soon as he feels comfortable, he will talk to them until their ears bleed. He calls his friends at school "his kids" and constantly begs to have "sleepovahs just like Weghan." He'd have your head spinning with his stories.
I can see R & D sitting in your living room in Wayne asking you tons of questions about the Phillies and telling you about the time that they went to a game with their dad. R would tell you about the stuffed bear that she got and D would tell you about the ice cream that he ate while he was there.
I can see you sitting in your chair with the volume turned way up, rubbing circles on your knee like you always did. You'd offer to make them anything they want and I'd try to tell them that they should try the buttered egg noodles with sugar on them that you always made me. We would pull out the sleeper sofa and the kids would sleep downstairs while I slept in Nobody's Room.
I miss you everyday and love to see you when the birds visit. Thank you for sending them my way. You always know when I need you.
I love you forever,
Leanne
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